Stuck in an Eddy

Hell's Canyon, Snake River, May 1982

Years ago, rafting in Hell’s Canyon on the Snake River at flood stage, we got caught in an enormous eddy.  The river made a turn to the left along the canyon wall.  There was a rapid up against the rock wall the length of the turn, but at the bottom of the turn, most of the water went back up river in the biggest eddy any of us had ever seen.  It was like a giant whirlpool. The eddy was so powerful it took us back to the beginning of the rapid at the top of the canyon curve.  We had to run the rapid again.  This time, at the bottom of the rapid, dad (on the oars) tried as hard as he could to row out of the eddy back into the current that would take us down river.  He couldn’t do it, and the eddy took us back to the beginning of the rapid again!  On the third run through the rapid, dad took one oar and John took the other oar, and together they were able to power us out of the eddy at the bottom.  Whew.  We were getting worried that we would never get out of there.

Hell's Canyon, Snake River, 1982

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in an eddy when I seem to continually face the same kind of problem. “What? I have to go through this again!?” One of my eddies has been trusting the Lord to be my Provider. How many times has He proved to me that He will provide? Over and over again. How long will I have to keep learning this lesson before I get it? Just when I think I’ll get to move on down the river, I’m swept back to the same rapid again. I do notice a difference this time though. I am not in the panicking state. Maybe I’m actually growing in this area? The Lord has been so faithful to us time and time again.  I have no reason to doubt when He has proven Himself so faithful to His promise to provide. Thank you, Lord. I choose to trust You.

Don't Judge a Tree by its Appearance

This summer one of my favorite trees fell into the river. I have taken more than 30 pictures of this tree over the last four years. Half the time when I went by it, I almost couldn’t help myself, and I’d take another picture of it, knowing how many I already had. I loved the way it leaned out over the river, tall and majestic, dominating its corner.  I have kayaked that particular stretch of river 38 times just in the last four years, so I am very familiar with it. Imagine my surprise when I came around the corner and the tree was gone.  I actually gasped.  How sad and barren its spot on the bank looked. 

I guess I should have suspected it was not going to be there much longer by the way it was leaning.  It was not standing straight like it must have grown. What made it start to lean? It looked so healthy. And most amazing of all to me is that it survived the flood last year.  The banks of the river are littered with trees that were taken down during the flood.  What in the world was able to take it down this year?  Possibly the flood weakened it?  A lightning strike? We did have a storm with strong winds a few days before I found it lying in the river, but it didn’t seem strong enough to have knocked it down. The trunk was split and splintered from the base up, so it did not just fall over because it was not anchored in the soil. It appears it did not have the internal strength it needed to stand in a storm? Another thing that amazed me was how fast it lost all of its leaves.  It was only a two week period from when I last saw it standing tall and proud, full of leaves, to when I found it broken and barren of all but a few tiny spots of green. Some trees stay green for months, even years, after falling into the river.

How many of us look good on the outside, but our insides are weak? It is impossible for us to tell what is inside someone else by looking at the outside. Often times, we don’t even know what is inside of ourselves! The storms and trials of life reveal what is inside.

I am reminded of a story I heard years ago about an older man encountering a teen in a church stairwell. The boy was bumped or knocked down by accident going up the stairs, and he cursed. When the teen realized the older gentleman heard him, he was embarrassed and said that he didn’t normally talk that way.  The wise man took him to the kitchen, filled a glass with water, set it on a table, and then bumped the table.  Water spilled.  The lesson?  “What is inside comes out when bumped.”

I want to be so filled with the Lord, that when I am “bumped,” He spills out. I pray that when what is inside me is revealed, people will only see Jesus. And when those trials of life come, I am so thankful that I do not have to rely on my ability to stand in the storm because I have the Holy Spirit on the inside. He alone makes me strong. I have no strength of my own, but He is my strong tower (Pr. 18:10).

Looking Back

A river is constantly moving. It is wise to keep looking ahead for obstacles that need to be avoided. There are many kinds of obstacles: downed trees, rocks, shallow water, rapids, turns, bridges, as well as other people and boats. Reading the water has become second nature to me now, and I can tell where I want to be on the river to avoid problems. I know just how close I can skirt to that tree or rock to ride the wave it creates without getting into trouble. I can tell where it is too shallow to get through without having to get out and walk. I see where the current will try to push me where I don’t want to go if I’m not careful.

On the river, I know better than to spend too much time looking back up river and not paying attention to what I’m approaching down river. I have not done as well in my personal life. There is something inside me that has to understand what went wrong after I’ve made a mistake. I keep trying to figure it all out, thinking that if I can just figure it out, then surely, I won’t make the same mistake again because now I’ll understand where I went wrong.

“Those who think their intellect will keep them from deception are already deceived.” Bill Johnson

The first time I read this statement, it pierced my heart. Most of my drive to understand is from a strong desire not to be deceived. Here I find I am deceived if I think my intellect will keep me from deception! It’s not that I haven’t heard this idea before in different ways. Those I trust to speak into my life have tried to tell me many times to give up my “need” to understand. That there are some things I will not understand, and that’s ok. I think when I read Bill Johnson’s statement, it was at the right moment and worded in the right way for me to hear it. The soil of my heart was prepared.

So now I am determined to trust God, even with my mistakes. I am learning to look forward to what He is doing and where He is going. It is my desire to become as good at reading the current of the Holy Spirit as I am at reading the current of a river. If I spend too much time looking back, I will not be where I need to be in the current of the Holy Spirit. I am looking ahead for the swift current, the rapid that will thrill my heart, and the still quiet pool where I can be refreshed in my Lord.