Looking Back

A river is constantly moving. It is wise to keep looking ahead for obstacles that need to be avoided. There are many kinds of obstacles: downed trees, rocks, shallow water, rapids, turns, bridges, as well as other people and boats. Reading the water has become second nature to me now, and I can tell where I want to be on the river to avoid problems. I know just how close I can skirt to that tree or rock to ride the wave it creates without getting into trouble. I can tell where it is too shallow to get through without having to get out and walk. I see where the current will try to push me where I don’t want to go if I’m not careful.

On the river, I know better than to spend too much time looking back up river and not paying attention to what I’m approaching down river. I have not done as well in my personal life. There is something inside me that has to understand what went wrong after I’ve made a mistake. I keep trying to figure it all out, thinking that if I can just figure it out, then surely, I won’t make the same mistake again because now I’ll understand where I went wrong.

“Those who think their intellect will keep them from deception are already deceived.” Bill Johnson

The first time I read this statement, it pierced my heart. Most of my drive to understand is from a strong desire not to be deceived. Here I find I am deceived if I think my intellect will keep me from deception! It’s not that I haven’t heard this idea before in different ways. Those I trust to speak into my life have tried to tell me many times to give up my “need” to understand. That there are some things I will not understand, and that’s ok. I think when I read Bill Johnson’s statement, it was at the right moment and worded in the right way for me to hear it. The soil of my heart was prepared.

So now I am determined to trust God, even with my mistakes. I am learning to look forward to what He is doing and where He is going. It is my desire to become as good at reading the current of the Holy Spirit as I am at reading the current of a river. If I spend too much time looking back, I will not be where I need to be in the current of the Holy Spirit. I am looking ahead for the swift current, the rapid that will thrill my heart, and the still quiet pool where I can be refreshed in my Lord.